


Fix you

by luminous_nyght



Category: One Direction (Band), ziam - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst?, Fluff, M/M, OT5 ness, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminous_nyght/pseuds/luminous_nyght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn's fading and its time the boys' did something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix you

**Author's Note:**

> Self harm warning! May be triggering.

"Zayn! Zayn!, Where are you god damn it!” Louis screeched as he made his way round the arena trying to find where the other lad ran off too. Zayn’s ‘cigarette break’ turned into a 30 minute adventure, leaving the boys worried as Zayn had turned on the quiet side lately. It seemed after Liam and Zayn happened, Zayn disappeared, quieter then snow, slick and sly, Zayn turned into a shadow of who he used to be, losing himself, heart shattering, voice breaking, life was dwindling out of him.The only time he raised a smile was when he was in Liam's presence. One that he actually meant that is, Liam knew what made the boy laugh, smile, grin. Liam knew, and while he was gone to the rest of the world, you'll always find a happy smiling Zayn in Liam's arms. That being said something was off. Louis felt it, the others felt it, the fans felt it. Something was happening with Zayn...Zayn was going, going, maybe even gone.

“Zayn fucking Christ where are you?” Louis almost screamed with worry as he stopped to survey the room he just stepped in. Typical, white, clinical, cold all the words that fit in under the 'modern' banner.Nothing new, spontaneous, it lacks color, light, it lacks life. He heard a shuffle then, a short screech of a sneaker on the old linoleum floor. He turned, hoping no actually praying it was Zayn that stood behind him. Louis stilled before he turned around, ears ready trying to pick up any movement, but none came. So he turned slightly, to see Zayn stood there, but the relief quickly turned into worry as he looked at Zayn, fully taking in the boy that stood in front of him. His leather jacket gone, his white tee ripped at the collar,his jeans hanging low off his hips trying not to fall off, his hair disheveled and out of place, then he noticed the circles under his closed hazels, Zayn had obviously been crying, dry tear tracks visible down his cheeks, his perfectly chiseled face contorted trying desperately not to fall apart. Louis' eyes then refocused, trailing down Zayn’s thin waif body, his bony shoulders shivering as he knew he was being analysed and watched. Louis noticed then that Zayn's left arm was oozing, the liquid red was pouring down his hand, silently dripping on the floor.

Louis’ eyes widened panic filling his mind, he didn't shout or scream however not did he run away in disgust, his mind was relatively clear despite his fears. He ripped off his own shirt and went to wrap it around Zayn’s bleeding arm, but Zayn refused to be touched repelled away almost, knees giving in and cowering into himself, hitting the floor heavily. Zayn started to heavily sob again, not a word had been uttered yet, but they both knew and realised nothing will ever be the same again.  
Louis moved again swiftly, his mind went into auto pilot wrapped his shirt around his wound and automatically picked Zayn up and started his way back to the boys. Louis knew as he held Zayn's measly dead weight up that;

Zayn was broken.

Zayn was battered and bruised.

Zayn was alive and breathing yes but Zayn was dead utterly and truly ruined by an industry they were all still trying to figure out.

He held the boy tighter, Zayn leaning into Louis' chest for dear life. Zayn was heaving, unable to breathe properly from hurt and fear and possible arguments that were likely to happen now that 'this' was out, on the verge of tears.

 

"Liam!" was the first thing that Louis said as he entered the green room. "Liam get your ass over here now we need you!" Louis screamed as he gently set Zayn down on the sofa sitting silently next to him kissing his cheek for reassurance, Zayn held tight, hanging on like a little child to afraid to let it's mother go as he started to silently sob again. The boys looked up, all smiling sweetly at something one of them said, but it soon turned into chaos as Liam turned fully to look at Louis and Zayn. Liam immediately stood up and crossed the room, closing the space between himself and the boys on the sofa.

"Niall, no questions" He ordered. "My luggage, blue wash bag with Zayn's signature get it now, Harry I need water, Zayn's towel and a new shirt and fresh jeans. Go!" He issued as crouched in front of Zayn who had shuffled back into Louis' arms, face hidden but very much still quietly in floods.His hurt arm sticking out slightly just so no pressure is resting on it. Liam sighed and kissed the back of Zayn's head mushing his hair even, really more for support rather then anything else. Louis realized that Liam knew about this. About Zayn hurting himself. Anger boiled in Louis' throat itching to babble profusely out, but he didn't he silently pulled away from Zayn letting Liam take over, he seemed to know exactly what he's doing anyway. He could see that Liam himself was on the verge of tears, his eyes shining trying to bat tears away, he was trying to keep strong for Zayn and Louis admired that. He really did. He watched as he unwrapped Louis' t-shirt handing it back to him, caked in blood he sheepishly looked up at him, silently pleading forgiveness. Louis smiled leaning down to kiss Liam's cheek, they needed to talk but Zayn was the most important priority at the minute. Liam reached out to squeeze his hand, a silent thank you at which Louis help but grin fondly.

"What's in this mate? " Niall asked baffled as he reappeared in the room and chucking the bag across it to Liam who caught effortlessly and was already unzipping it to access it's contents the question left unanswered. Silence filled the room as all of them waiting for Liam to proceed. Bandages. Louis realized, bandages and maybe something to stop the bleeding. He was right. Liam took out 3 very thick looking bandages and a gauze along with antibacterial cream. Harry stepped then, carrying a bottle of water, the towel and a fresh outfit for Zayn. He didn't talk just laid the items next to Liam squeezing his shoulder in reassurance, then he made his way to Niall's side obviously in shock and just like the rest of them, just waiting, watching.

Liam had begun to strip Zayn by the time Louis turned his attention back to him. His now useless tee coming off along with his jeans. More cuts filled his thighs and jutting hips, ones Louis hadn't see before, old ones but still very much new. Liam seemed to know exactly where look which worried Louis more. Liam checked the underside of his calves and shifted Zayn to check his lower right side.He gently smiled when there were none. Zayn just laid there. His crying stopped but he was to exhausted to even try to protest. Liam was exposing him bare, showing off his secrets yet it seemed Zayn didn't to want to hide any longer. Liam looked up at Zayn tenderly cupping his face and slowly leaning down to kiss Zayn's closed eyelids. Louis realised that this display of affection never happened when it came to Liam and Zayn. To modest, to private, to in tune to each other to want to show it off usually hidden in confines of hotel rooms all over the globe. Louis smiled at them, he had to admit, Liam and Zayn were something no one ever expected but once it did it made sense, and even though the world was currently missing out on this, he knew that one day their love would be celebrated sooner or later anyway. He watched as Liam took the cream and spread it evenly over Zayn's almost healing cuts. He was dealing with the old ones first. Liam took a bandage and as the boys watched he wrapped it around Zayn's left thigh. He repeated the process for the second one and then turned his attention to Zayn's arm. The blood was just starting to dry, dark red streaks gracing his arm left and right. He took the water off the table as well as Zayn's towel sweetly embroidered with the initials 'ZJP', a sign of Liam's possessiveness . Louis watched as Liam emptied half the bottle onto it. He started to wash the blood off tender and careful as if Zayn was made of glass on the verge of shattering. The towel turned from its original stark white to a murky brown. Once he finished he took Zayn's palm extending his arm out fully and examined the damage. "17, Zayn it's 17 can you tell me why it's 17? " He slowly whispered down in Zayn's ear. Zayn shuddered and shook his head, all Liam had the courage to do was sigh and kiss his forehead, tears now falling off his own cheek. He then took the gauze for the fresh ones. Wrapping it round Zayn's arm from elbow to hand. Louis could see Zayn wince but he didn't complain he let Liam finish up. Once the bandage was tightly secured too he slowly, almost painfully redressed Zayn and pulled him up for a hug.

"Sleep you, now. " Liam instructed as Zayn finally opened his eyes, straining out a pleading thank you. Liam nodded again and smiled at his man whispering "I love you to infinity", "and beyond." Zayn stuttered out back trying with everything he had. It made Louis' heart swell and Liam lean in again to peck Zayn's nose, then pulling him up to walk him to the tour bus.

"Give me 5 minutes, " Liam said sternly as he intertwined his and Zayn's hands gently making it to the door.

*

 

"What was that? " Niall asked the moment they left the room.

"That, Niall love is something that should never happen." Louis answered, him himself still trying to wrap his head around what he just witnessed.

"How could we have missed...that?" Harry said quietly, his first full sentence of the afternoon.

"I don't know but it seems Liam knew about it."

"Of course he knows about it. This is Zayn we are talking about, he hides nothing from Liam." Harry hissed.

"Yes but he's hid it from us Haz, isn't that a little bit worrying?" Louis continued.

"Maybe, but why? Why does he do...that, why does he hurt himself like that? I don't get why!" Harry said again as he slumped on the sofa burying his face in his knees as if trying to forget what he just saw.

"It's cause he hates himself, that's why." Liam said as he entered the room again walking over to pick up the discarded items he'd left behind before.

Louis stilled, feeling the colour draining from his cheeks at the news but stepped up taking Zayn's tee from Liam's hands and folded it himself, he needed answers now.

"He hates himself? How is it possible, this is Zayn fucking Malik we are talking about not the homeless man who will give you a penny for a pound." He stopped looked down at the blooded shirt and continued, "Oh and he's ok now right?"

Liam sighed taking the shirt back and laid it out on the folded jeans, placing the bag on top and finally sat down at the edge of the sofa. He took a long breath and,"Yeah he's okay just put him in bed, Look this is how it is." he started. "Zayn's not exactly who you think he is, or rather who he wants you to believe. He's not stable as he lets on. He's vulnerable and weak and he suffers from clinically diagnosed depression and anxiety. He hates himself from the tip of his hair to the soles of his feet. He can sit there and tell you every little thing that in his mind makes him repulsive. _I_    had to sit there and listen to it and let me tell you it fucking hurts to try to see what he sees, from the dot in his eye to the shape of his fingers to the mole on his rib and birthmark on his lower back. Zayn knows every inch of his body backwards but it's cause all he sees is imperfection. I try to tell him otherwise but he doesn't get it. He's beautiful, gorgeous, amazing every word under the sun you name it he is but he's also fragile, frail almost feeble."

Liam stopped buried his head in his hands and waited for a response, this Louis realized must be so tough for Liam to try to open up about.

"So all this time he's been trying to be someone he's not ?" Niall asked a perfectly justifiable question, something his obliviousness prevents him from doing often.

Liam sighed and looked up,"No. With us he's him, well most of the time, remember Zayn at the beginning ?" He stopped again, He got 3 faint nods .

"Yeah when it was just us against the world it was fine, he loved that, a need to prove everyone wrong, but then it got complicated, more contracts to be signed, more people to please, more expectations to be on top of, the girls. It took a toll. Zayn's the type of person who will hide and hide something, he won't talk about it, shove it under carpets, try and forget."

"So how long has erm that been going on ?" Harry asked almost afraid of an answer.

Liam chuckled before his face hardened again. "That Harry, has got a name, it's called self harm, or cutting. Zayn's been a cutter for 6 years. Way before any of this happened. He had stopped but recently he relapsed. About a year ago. It started small, a little way to get rid of the voices that were trying to build again but now it's what you saw today. All this is what has him off his head, the fame, the money, the lies, today was a culmination of it all. Those cuts where deep, they have never been that raw before, this needs to stop I just don't know how."

The silence in the room echoed in all their ears as they tried to swallow all this new information about their best mate.

"17." Louis stated, the amount he had heard Liam tell Zayn.

"Yeah, 17 one for ever high note he got wrong yesterday apparently."

Niall's jaw dropped. " Excuse me." He practically screeched out as he pushed himself up from the sofa. " He was bloody brilliant yesterday. Not a note out of line we all know it."

"We might do Niall, but to himself he isn't worth it remember?"

Niall just shook his head in disbelief.

"He's got a point," Harry continued pointing at Niall, " Yesterday was one of those days where Zayn was pitch perfect, he's become better and better I don't get how he can't see it. I want to do something, make him realize it....we have to do something Liam!. I don't think I can stomach that again, I wanted to run over to him and hug him tight, I knew he was in pain and I couldn't do anything." Harry sighed.

" Yes. I think it's time to show that boy how much he means to all of us. I want to try something yeah? Keep Zayn in the tour bus for as long as possible. We're going to have a word with our audience tonight and Zayn can't be in this building whilst that's happening. You get that Liam? " Louis said, smiling from ear to ear as he was thinking of what he had dreamed up. Liam warily smiled and stood up to go to Zayn.

"Liam!" Niall called just as Liam was about to disappear. " Tell him we love him yeah ?" Louis still caught the grin that spread across Liam's face though.

*

 

"Settle down everybody. I said settle down. If you don't stop this will take longer then it has too" Harry screamed into the microphone as he was trying to quiet down the 20,000 people all packed into the arena for the show, it took a good 5 minutes but an enormous hush filtered the space.

"So everybody.' Harry began again, 'This isn't how we usually run our shows but tonight at one particular moment when the lights will dim, I need you all to quiet down just like now. I know it's not an easy feet as this is a One Direction concert but something happened to day to not only one of my best mate but my brother. I need him to realise and understand something, tonight we all do. We even got permission to do this so please don't let us down can I get a yes? "

And with that the crowd screamed the loudest he'd ever seen and he'd seen a lot in his time he thought as he watched Harry brief the crowd on their plan. They clapped screamed and cheered. Good he thought as he patted their support act on the back smiling at them as Harry walked back in.

"I'll go get them now." Niall said as he moved himself off the speaker to get the other 2 boys. Louis nodded and smiled while turning to the sound guy to check that everything was in order getting a smile a thumbs up meaning they were good to go.

 *

Niall, Liam and Zayn came in a few minutes later, Zayn still visibly tired but smiling also flushed red as if he'd been kissed recently. Louis smiled warmly simply pulling him into a hug, messing up his hair on purpose and promptly kissing his forehead which made Zayn giggle in a type of freedom he hadn't done in months.

"Never and I mean it Zayn Javadd Malik do that again. I'm not telling you to stop what you do but know that you have 3 other people you can come to now not just Liam. I for one am not angry at you. Your coping mechanism is to cut and we will get you through this you understand?"

Zayn nodded and looked down at his palms obviously ashamed so Louis took the chance and carefully pulled him back in. This time the hug extended as all the boys joined in. When they pulled apart, Zayn smiled again, the kind of smile that crinkled up his eyes and lifted his whole face. Louis couldn't help but grin. Liam's arms stayed on Zayn's waist as the latter turned around, pliant under Liam's strong hold, and while he wanted to leave the space and give them some privacy he couldn't bring himself to move.

"I love you." Liam whispered his focus on Zayn blocking everything else unimportant out. "We'll do this ok? I know you can do this, I'm never leaving you, they are never leaving you, we need you Zayn, you've got the best voice here and you know it. You're incredible and I'll keep telling you that till the day I die you listening?" Louis watched as Zayn visibly blushed and bit at his bottom lip. Liam simply leaned in for a kiss, one that to Louis evoked the kind of love he never thought he'd ever witness in person, yet they there were, two of his best mates, completely and utterly in love with each other. It's amazing how love works he thinks how two people who seemed like total opposites where perfect for one another, fitting and complimenting each other completely . While he and Harry had the kind of love that might burn out somewhere down the road, hot, rash, fast paced. Liam and Zayn were the slow, the quiet, the moon to their sun. Louis was sure that what he just saw wasn't just a kiss, it was a kiss that promised an eternity.

"We'll do this for them yeah?" He heard Harry whisper who had move up to join him watch the other two. He smiled and the other boy and carded their fingers together. Harry understood the implications too of what was about to happen and he was ready to take the bull by the horns and dive into this head first. Louis mirrored the smile on his own face and rested his head on Harry's broad shoulder. There was something in the One Direction camp that their hasn't been a long time. Contentment. And it was finally shining through.

 

*

The show develops and grows as expected. The audience raving, shouting, screaming and clapping widely at every chance they get. Zayn seems happy, genuinely smiling, and enjoying, almost relishing the moments they have like this on stage. Zayn finally enjoying himself again utterly enchanted by the sea of people singing back their own lyrics back to them, as sea of black, white and blue of cameras flashing, the blinding lights, the general atmosphere relaxed and joyful. Harry looked at him then, winked saying this is the moment. Louis shifted slightly and walked backstage to check that everything was ready and as it should be. Making his way out lights dimming as he does so, he takes Zayn's arm and leads him to the stairs he's able to sit on while they do this, just in case he collapses.

Niall stepped forward, that boy was always good at giving speeches, flitting a grin in Zayn's confused direction he turned to the crowd who had gone unbelievable quiet just as asked to do so.  
"Today you guys, is really important for all of us. We as you all know love each other like brothers, sometimes even more," Throwing a pointed look at Liam who had moved to sit just below Zayn." and one of mine has gone a bit off these last few months. I think you all noticed as well as we did that Zayn here just isn't what he used to be. So we decided to change it up do something drastic to make him realize he's amazing the way he is, cause he is in every way possible. Zayn Malik lift that head out of your knees boy, keep your head up, We love you bro."

He stopped letting the words sink in.

"This is for you." He gestured as the first notes of the song started to play;

 

  
_"When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
_When you get what you want, but not what you need_  
_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_  
_Stuck in reverse"_

Liam started it off, only fitting, turning to look directly at Zayn who still had his head hidden behind his arms, Liam moved them out of the way, he took a finger and dragged it over Zayn's cheek and jaw line before tilting his chin up to look directly at him. Zayn was trying hard not to crack again, this after all was the most intimate they had ever gotten in public. Harry joined in then, harmonizing with Niall the song progressed into something more heart felt and personal, moving towards Liam and Zayn then, Louis held his hand out and Zayn took it, standing up, tears already streaming down his face as he was still trying to take it all in.

 

  
_"Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you"_

He finished off and as the song came to a close he lifted Zayn's hand and twirled him around. The gesture simple but the meaning meant a lot more. Louis turned to the crowd then, a sea of white, mobile phones he realised, all being held up to represent themselves like candles, little glows of illuminations, numbers in the crowd all standing up, being counted, symbolizing that they too are there for Zayn. It was the most beautiful scene anyone capturing it would have ever seen.

Liam took the mic then, he wanted talk. Liam never did that. Liam was all gestures and subtle touches, he never had the courage to do something like this before.

"Zayn," He said.Talking directly to Zayn as if they only actually existed. " I have known you for a little bit over 3 years now. You are the most amazing person I've ever had the privileged of knowing, Kind, sensitive and quiet, you prefer your books and comics to Niall's video games, charcoal to pencils, sketch books from the easels, you're witty and funny so considerate and charming and always is there for any of us always putting us first. You without knowing hold us all together. You're the beating heart that keeps this machine going. We always come to you cause you're the wisest and most intelligent one out of all of us. I don't see how you can't see that. I've been watching you disappear in front of my very eyes and I hate it. I love you too much to watch you go without doing something." He hushed then taking the mic away from his mouth and whispered something in Zayn's ear who shyly giggled. Liam moved back out and slowly moved his thumb up to wipe away Zayn's tears away before leaning in and kissing him gently, full on the mouth. A sweet chaste kiss completely innocent yet completely mesmerising. Louis felt a tug at his shirt then, Harry was pulling him into a hug. One that surround the other two boys in the middle who where now just hugging. He smiled and sweetly kissed Zayn's ear as he closed in. Louis knew then, that no matter where they might go from here, no matter how much hate they get, no matter how much trouble they just got into. They all now had one clear focus in their mind. With a clear head and a happy conscious he knew where they had to turn to make the right choices for all of them in the future. But in that moment Louis smiled at the 4 boys he loves with all his might surround him. He had one goal now. And the process to achieve that goal started here, tonight, on this very stage.

_It was simply: the right time, to fix Zayn._


End file.
